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KMT even running out
of ‘quality’ dirty tricks
By Joe Doufu 醜豆腐
The government and the Ministry of Foreign Affairs have provoked all kinds of
conspiracy theories with their recent decision to cancel or postpone a number of
foreign delegations that had been lined up to observe the upcoming elections.
Many of those affected apparently expressed concern that the Chinese Nationalist
Party (KMT) could be preparing the ground for some serious pre or post-election
shenanigans, should President Ma Ying-jeou (馬英九) be trailing or actually lose
the battle of the ‘Yings’ to the Democratic Progressive Party’s (DPP) Tsai
Ing-wen (蔡英文) on Jan. 14.
Maybe people are reading too much into it, but when a supposed trip to observe
an election is postponed until after said election, then one would have every
right to be a little concerned. Kind of defeats the purpose, wouldn’t you say?
One theory (my own) is that the money saved will be used for more immediate and
pressing election-related matters — such as paying for the trips of overseas KMT
supporters who will actually come back to vote, rather than foreigners who can’t
vote, largely sympathize with the enemy and only cause trouble anyway.
This makes perfect sense from a KMT point of view. Even if our KMT overlords
were thinking of some sneaky ballot-box stuffing, it would be pretty difficult
to get away with such antics in today’s increasingly wired world — with bloggers
and members of the public armed with cellphone cameras lurking on every corner.
However, if the Central Election Commission were to suddenly announce two days
before polling that it was going to erect 2m high fences around polling
stations, or if the KMT were to declare a win in Greater Tainan, then maybe
others would also start to get a little suspicious.
Even so, it’s hard to understand why the KMT would want to bother with such
extreme measures in the first place.
They would be better off waiting for an increasingly confident DPP to shoot
itself in the foot (or the stomach, if you believe the KMT’s 2004 “Bulletgate”
bullshit). It would seem as if the DPP is already obliging, given the recent
furor over small, irrelevant orange things — persimmons, not the People First
Party.
The DPP seems to have done itself some damage with its campaign calendar showing
ridiculously exaggerated rock-bottom prices of various fruits — most notably
persimmons at NT$2 per jin (600g) — while blaming Ma and the government’s
policies for this and all of local farmers’ ills.
The KMT was quick to refute those figures, with KMT fossil-in-eternity Lien Chan
(連戰) claiming that on the one occasion he actually visited a market with his
mother — back when Chiang Ching-kuo (蔣經國) was still alive — he had seen
persimmons going for NT$10 per jin. (OK, so I made up that last bit up, but you
get my drift.)
Luckily for the DPP, this all seems to have happened far enough ahead of the
vote that it will be long forgotten come next month.
Nevertheless, one can almost understand why the KMT would be considering some
serious dirty tricks as, judging by the gravity of chief attack dog Chiu Yi’s
(邱毅) latest expose, it seems the toupeed troublemaker may finally be losing his
mojo.
Having caused DPP vice presidential candidate Su Jia-chyuan (蘇嘉全) some
discomfort with revelations about his Pingtung luxury farmhouse, Chiu’s latest
bombshell is that Su’s wife went to a party that featured a male stripper.
Trouble is Su’s wife was just a guest at the party, not the host, and the party
was ... 10 years ago. Shock, horror!
Su may have apologized (I don’t know why), but if that’s the best Chiu and his
informants can come up with, then KMT headquarters better get on the phone with
the printers pronto and order some extra ballot papers.
Joe Doufu is a Taipei-based satirist.
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