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Democracy lessons
from our friends in the PRC
By Joe Doufu 醜豆腐
That’s the trouble when putting your thoughts on paper for public consumption:
You set yourself up for a fall when you get things wrong. So I pen this column
with tail firmly between the legs after predicting last time around that the
Democratic Progressive Party (DPP) would shoot itself in the foot in the weeks
approaching the Jan. 14 election.
It turned out my crystal ball was upside down and that it was the Chinese
Nationalist Party’s (KMT) campaign that imploded when its farcical attempt to
tar DPP presidential candidate Tsai Ing-wen (蔡英文) with the corruption brush
failed in spectacular fashion, leaving the “Emperor of Exposes,” Chiu Yi (邱毅),
with a dinosaur-sized egg on his face — not that the shameless charlatan cares
one iota.
However, even my prediction pales in comparison to the comical prophecy provided
by entertainment queen and rabid KMT supporter Pai Ping-ping (白冰冰). Her
long-time hatred of the DPP’s 2008 presidential candidate, Frank Hsieh (謝長廷), is
well-documented. Nevertheless, Pai last week suggested, citing Thailand’s recent
experience, that if Taiwan were to elect a woman president, then it too could be
inundated with flood waters.
I haven’t seen Pai on TV much recently — she has probably followed the rest of
Taiwan’s washed up “artistes” and is earning her GMO corn across the Strait
these days; but if she’s ever strapped for cash, I hear the Central Weather
Bureau is always looking for people.
Come to think of it, President Ma Ying-jeou (馬英九) could have done with Pai’s
forecasting talents a couple of years ago ahead of Typhoon Morakot.
While we’re on the subject of Morakot, it appears Ma is increasingly desperate
for achievements to boast about if his latest campaign claim is anything to go
by.
On the stump in Tainan this week, Ma proclaimed that thanks to his government —
and Matsu — zero people have perished this year in typhoons.
That’s probably because the strongest winds we’ve had this year wouldn’t have
blown Chiu Yi’s wig off. Sorry, Ma, but you still have some way to go before you
can start claiming credit for preventing typhoon deaths.
Making this kind of incredulous claim comes easy to someone like Ma, given he
has spent his whole life peddling the myth that his beloved KMT is still the
legitimate government of the whole of China — the Republic of China, that is.
This despite the fact that to the majority of the world the Republic of China
exists in what can only be described as a vegetative state, but most people are
either totally unaware of the fact or have long forgotten about it.
There is something unique about the DNA of true-blue KMTers that allows them to
look past the facts, present a twisted fantasy as the truth and then expect
everyone to believe it.
Another crucial component of KMT DNA is the utter inability to admit defeat — a
quality that manifested itself after the party’s presidential election defeats
in 2000 and 2004.
I shouldn’t be surprised if we experience similar antics in a couple of weeks’
time, should they lose again.
However, should we really expect anything different from a party that still
refuses to admit defeat in a war it lost more than 60 years ago? Will they ever
wake up and smell the kafei?
According to sources, even the Chicoms are preparing a contingency in the event
of a Ma loss and talking to representatives of the DPP behind the scenes.
Ma often likes to boast about how Taiwan’s democracy shines as an example to
China. Isn’t it ironic that this time around it is the KMT that could learn
something from China when it comes to accepting the results of a democratic
election?
Joe Doufu is a Taipei-based satirist.
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